Friday, September 12, 2008

Obsessive Completion Disorder

I cannot sleep! I have been laying there for an hour! No sleep is coming! Its because my brain is rambling. I'm not actively putting any effort into thinking, but my brain is rambling on and on and on! Its awful! 

In my  ramblings, I've discussed with myself my Obsessive Completion Disorder. I'm not 100% OCD, if in a diagnosis I'd be it at all, but I like things to be complete. I guess complete is similar to perfection, but not Everything has to be complete, just the certain 1 or 2 things I am obsessing about at the time. It changes. This is why I am reading all of Jane Austen in 1 month. She is dead, and therefore there are only a certain number of books by her so I can be complete in reading Jane Austen, within the perimeters of  complete novels. Several months ago I was obsessed with Emergency Preparedness. Every day I would drag out my huge boxes and backpacks of stuff, catalog it, record what needs to be purchased, and then put it away. Its all cataloged on my computer. If I had more money I would have gone out that day to purchase everything needed, but I am complete in that I have a list of needs that can someday be filled! You see? I spent several months before moving to Wymount completely obsessed with having the completely clean house. I would go through it everyday cleaning, dusting, scrubbing, mopping - everything had to be in place. This was a very stressful time for me because the girls would follow me to mess everything up. That really threw off my completion process because it wasn't complete once it had been messed up again! Do you see the complete and obsessiveness and how they go hand in hand? This completion problem inhibits me from doing other things that are not within my completion reach. Like if I am not planning on cleaning the whole house in one day, why am I going to make the bed? Its not everyday that this overtakes me, I usually do make the bed, but at times I feel that lag of why bother! Its weird how my brain has things set in place as to what counts as complete to me and what does not. Now that I see the hinderances, maybe I can work to fix some things without having them be in perfect completion mode...

So how is everyone doing, that is joining in, with the Jane Austen? I have just finished Pride and Prejudice, and I will start Emma tomorrow morning. I could get through them so much faster if I didn't force myself to read all of the literary critics/analyses in the beginning as well as all the footnotes in the back. I like to read the analysis in the beginning, but I find it so much more  complicated than the actual book! The footnotes drive me crazy because they describe to me in detail that a carriage is a box placed on wheels fitted for one or more persons and thus pulled by a horse or goat!! Honestly, did I not know what that meant? But still I turned to the footnote because you never know what a footnote might reveal to you that you didn't already know! 

So as for Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy! I have read 4 of the 6 books before, but never when I cared to read them so this is my first time at my leisure to read them. Its made them much more enjoyable! But now that I am an old married woman with children I see so many flaws! Like when he finally professes his love (the second time) and tells her how she has changed him from this stubborn prideful person that he was raised to be from infancy, I scoff because that won't last! How cynical am I?  And the romantic that I am wants them to get to the good part where they are talking of marriage and recounting all of the happenings that lead them to finally be together, but honestly only Jane and Bingley will be really happy!!

Anyway, what has everyone else read thus far?

Now what do I do to get myself to sleep? It wouldn't be so awful, if there wasn't such a distinct time limit on how long I can sleep! 7am comes way too fast!

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Ugh! I HATE not sleeping. I tend toward the all-or-nothing thought cycles, too. I usually choose the nothing. I think it is a coping skill to categorize things in your mind to that there is SOME completion goal that is acceptable.

I'm reading "Mansfield Park," and I'm not enjoying it. I think b/c I don't remember anything from the last time I read it, so I don't know who to like and who will end up being the "bad" guy. Because she makes fun of everyone including the heros and heroines, so I can't tell yet. I'll probably finish it during this hurricane, so I'll report then. After that I'm going to read "Emma," so HURRAY!