I feel like our life is very one sided. I feel like I'm doing everything I can possibly do to push Brian along, but I haven't gotten a single push (or maybe even the opposite). I just don't see that I would ever get the support with the kids and home stuff to be able to do what I'd like to do.
A certain person who I will not name (and its not Brian) often refers to me as a housewife or just a mom - it hurts me so badly because I feel so categorized, sorted and just left there. There is nothing more to me! I hate that I feel like its my job to prove the opposite.
Brian talks like he wants me to go back to school, but what is really sad is that I hear in his voice that he doesn't believe I can do it. Or maybe its that he doesn't want me to because it'd be a lot harder on him. It makes me feel like he thinks I'm dumb - I didn't get into BYU and he did! There's a lot of bitterness there - probably a lot of why I hate the place! I have a feeling he thinks I still wouldn't get in even though my transfered GPA is a 3.52.
Why can't I just be happy with where I am? Why do I feel like I have to strive for more? Is it just because I don't feel like I'll ever get opportunities to do things for myself? Its amazing how unloved you can feel when you feel like you are considered a lower life-form (even if Brian doesn't, I know some people who do!)