Monday, April 7, 2008

Anyone else have this problem?

Brian has distinctively taken on the role of "man with servant". We discuss this to get him off his bum and helping with - ANYTHING! In 5 years nothing has worked - anyone have any suggestions? I've tried the leave it so he falls on his face and eventually he'll do it - he doesn't! I have seriously had the man take out 5 bags of trash from my tiny kitchen because he did not take it out. He just actually does not see anything that needs to be done - even after its pointed out to him that it is there to be done it will sit for another 2 -3 days or more because he forgets that i've told him. On that note he does do some of the cooking...although that generally leaves me with a mess that is huge that I have to clean up or leave for a week or two for him to get to. Seriously does anyone have any suggestions or are people just born with this ability?


Jennifer said...

I'm laughing over here!! Not at you - for you. It can be so hard! But, to answer your question, YES! Some people are actually born with that ability! My dad, for example. You know when you call him and ask how his Saturday is going he means "Fantastic!" when he says, "Well, I've already mowed the front and the back, swept up the clippings and bagged it all, cleaned the kitchen and even mopped, and put away all my laundry for the week! Now I get to go to the bank, hardware store, and grocery store!" Seriously, he's like an old maid :) Andy and I don't fight about it. He used to do all of it, which, for us, is a very very low standard of clean. Now I do most of it (still a very low standard of clean), and I think that makes a difference. The standard of clean, I mean. Because I can sit and wait forever for the dishes to get done, and it would make Delana absolutely insane. So she'd clean them and be mad at Wade for not cleaning them in time. ANYWAY, I learned a skill once: Make a list of the 5 things you need to feel loved right now. Have your dear husband do the same. Share them with each other. Pick ONE from your list for him to work on (go ahead, pick housework. Be specific, it'll help him know what to do). He'll pick one he wants you to work on (get ready for it!), and then praise each other for each and every little effort in that area! Hurray! Well, you could try it. It has helped me with things I feel misunderstood about, and Andy, too. Because of it, I actually go on dates with him (his pick). He feels loved, I feel good about myself for showing love in an effective way, our marriage is stronger, we're both more tolerant... I know, I'm real preachy. I don't mean to be. I have just found that it can be accomplished the hard way (nagging, crying, ultimatums, you know the drill), but that has some ugly consequences. So, I am now, in my ripe old age, learning a more loving way to effect change in me and him. If you want to talk more about it, email me: I love you all!

Jon & Chelle said...

ok, boys really are missing a link in their brain that helps them connect things. For instance, they can't connect: full trash=take out; or dirty dishes=put in dishwasher; or tooth paste lid= lid for tooth paste put it back on after done!

Anyways, after moving our apt. Jon was insistent that our new place never gets as cluttered as the old one did. So, i asked him what he wanted to do to prevent the clutter and he said he wanted to have a day where we both tidy up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That just means that I will only have to do the stuff 6 out of the 7 days, and he'll do it 1.

Chanda said...

I've got to admit I've got a big smile over here in Africa. Sorry Carrie! Wish I could send you Betty on the hard days. Brian get off your booty! Jen I like your list idea.