Thursday, February 19, 2009
What do you do to discipline your child?
I've been curious about this for some time. Brian and I always seem at a loss for whether or not we are disciplining our children properly or whether we are being effective in what we do with them. We don't want to be overly harsh for things that should be left alone. As I mentioned earlier we have Naomi's eating situation, but there are behavioral things that just come along with being 4 years old. So I'm curious - what do you do with your children if you have them? Any reading material that would assist us in this situation?
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Well I know I'm always reading up on things like this, but you have to take it all with caution since each child is so different. I know what works for us is FOLLOW THROUGH. Janiah, even though she's only 4, can totally tell if we're bluffing. So we've had some very long days when one of us said something like, "You can get up from this sofa until you apologize." FOUR hours later, she decided to apologize. No kidding. Stubborn little thing. ;) But it was amazing--for the next few weeks we only had to count to three and she'd hop right up and do what she was supposed to do. I just know your discipline has to match the "crime". ;) Like... you can't tell a kid to go wash the car because he said a bad word. You can tell a kid to wash the wall because he colored on it though, right? Anyway, we're obviously still learning, too.
It all depends on the situation. With William, sometimes taking away a privledge works best... if he won't go to Primary by himself then mom or dad get the treat from his teacher instead of him.
Many times it's timeout. It's like torture for him (he must be my child). We leave them in timeout for as many minutes as they are old (ie: 4years old = 4 minutes of time out). Just the threat of timeout usually straightens him up.
Many times we just have to remind him of rules before he actually breaks them. On the way to church we ALWAYS go over what's appropriate and what's not. At mealtimes I have to tell him "Don't get up from your chair until you are done eating."
At one point we would put 5 chocolate chips in a bowl. If he wouldn't eat his food or kept getting up then we would take a chocolate chip away. That worked for a bit.
We're still working with James... it's lot harder with him! He's just plain crazy. So if you have any ideas for a 2 year old that would be great!
I have no books about this. We just wing it and hope for the best. I think, in general, we are a bit too lax, particularly with Ruby. She always makes us laugh before we can get too mad. I think we're harder on Maeve because we expect so much from her because she is typically such an angel. Definitely need to be better about that.
I take my mom's advice, as she has raised 7 children: consistency! Whatever method you choose, do not waver. Do not give chance after chance before implementing it. Do not bluff as Joan said. Sometimes it is really slow going, especially with Gabe. He pushes hard and long on those limits. But, eventually, he starts to obey. When he raises his hand to hit (which isn't so often anymore), I can usually stop him with a, "Huh-uh, we do not hit."
That being said, timeouts are effective most of the time. They are our first line of defense. Next comes time on the bed (timeout is on the stairs). They really hate that. It works great with Gabe b/c most of the time he needs a break from all the stimulation of the day. Then, loss of privilege. No tv for the rest of the day usually.
Charlotte is outgrowing a lot of this, and I'm struggling to come up with a new consequence. She and Claire respond to totally different consequences. Blah blah blah - I just try to outlast my kids by 5 minutes or I'd run screaming down the street. (Today was a bad day).
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